Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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