She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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