I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
