mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
