They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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