You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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