My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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