Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
