I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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