This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
