I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
