So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
