i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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