i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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