dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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