he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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