So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
