And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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