his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
