marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
