Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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