Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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