one two three fourrrrnication!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I need a beard to bite.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
