I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
