College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
