the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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