I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
