I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
