So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
