Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
