so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
