does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
