My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
