i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
