the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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