Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
