i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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