He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
