My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
