I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
