Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
