Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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