i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
