Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
