I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
