I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
