How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
