ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
