I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
