So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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