Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
