Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
