Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
