Umm I'm too high to move.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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